so that wasnt chicken after all
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
