Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize