I accidentally had phone sex last night
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
