She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
