i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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