It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
