Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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