Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
