Little spoons don't ask big questions
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
