Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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