My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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