i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
