remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
