I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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