was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
