He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
