haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
