omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Randomize
