"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
