And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
