Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
