Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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