dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
