and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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