I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
