So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
