my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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