i just had sex bonerless
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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