A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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