Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
