i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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