Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Randomize