I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
