I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
