That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
