Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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