I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
