Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
