The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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