She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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