He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Randomize
