You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
