from now on my penis is your penis
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
