He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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