just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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