it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
