yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
