I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My breasts were aching with rage.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
