from now on my penis is your penis
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
