Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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