My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
