i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
