youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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