:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
