Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
