Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
