LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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