someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
