If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize