remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
