i think my tv is drunk
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
