She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
