U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
