i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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