My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
