he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
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