well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Pants are for mortals
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
