we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
well you can't waste a boner
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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