I think I am morally bankrupt
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
