If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
